Welcome to my humble home.
Let me give you the grand tour.

If you could please remove your shoes
before you enter.

       As you can see, we’ve had the floor done
       In premium high-grain
sand.

       It was imported from the Sahara Desert
       And raked into that amaaazing spiral pattern
       by a Buddhist monk.

We get beeeautiful light down here.
In case you didn’t notice
the entire ceiling is stained glass skylight.

It really is a fantastic location.
There are so many good schools in the area
and Atlantis is just a fifteen minute swim away.

I know you might be worried about the damp
but it’s nothing that a good quality dehumidifier can’t take care of.

            We have three bedrooms
                       a walk-in wardrobe,
          a restaurant quality kitchen,
                                  home office,
      and the bathroom is wherever
       you are when you need to go.
                                 Matter of fact
I’m peeing right now.
But enough about the property.
I’m sure you want to know a bit about
the person you’re buying it from.

You might be surprised to learn
that unlike most mermaids
I’m not half human half fish.
My mother was a dolphin
and my father was a centaur
                    and my father’s mother an angel
                    and my father’s father was a unicorn

I’ve been doing my family history recently.
I just find it sooo fascinating.
I don’t have a drop of human blood in my veins!
What a relief!
People don’t take too kindly to humans down here.

Now, what did you say your background was again?”